Not ready to say goodbye

A couple months ago I noticed that Nippers, my 15-year-old kitty, was coughing and looking a bit under the weather. The vet told me she needed some major dental work, and also gave me some antibiotics for her cough.

After the course of antibiotics, her cough disappeared, and so I scheduled her for her dental work. It went very smoothly, considering her age. She was back to her normal self within about a week, preferring to eat dry kibble even though she hardly had any teeth left!

I started bringing her to work with me where she quickly made friends and impressed everyone with her wonderfully calm and sweet personality.

Then suddenly, about two weeks ago, she lost all interest in food. I stopped taking her in to work, thinking maybe she was stressed, although she always seemed bright eyed and eager to go on new adventures. She started losing weight, hiding under the bed, which is VERY unlike her, and refused to eat even the most delectable tuna and treats that I offered her.

I brought her in for x-rays, and discovered that her chest was filling with fluid, a condition that has a very poor prognosis for a cat of her age. Her white blood cell count was elevated, which could indicate infection, but could also be cancer. Her heart also looked enlarged, indicating possible heart disease. The doctor prescribed antibiotics on the small chance it might be an infection, but I think she did it more to give me comfort and peace of mind than actually thinking it would help improve Nippers' condition.

At this point, all I can do is treat her symptoms, make her comfortable, and give her all my care and love. I hope that the meds make her feel better, but only time will tell. Nippers has been part of my family for most of my adult life, and losing her is something I cannot bear to think about.

I worry too, about Rarri. Nippers gave birth to Rarri on April 27, 1995, and he has been her loyal companion for the past 13 years. They sleep together, groom each other, and he gets nervous and unsettled when she is not around.

What will happen on the day when we have to take Nippers to the vet and say our final goodbyes? Will Rarri forever wonder why I carried Nippers out the door one day and she never came back? Will he always be looking for her, hoping she will come home so they can cuddle and lick each other's faces? I think that cats can understand death if they see it, but if Rarri isn't there during Nippers last moments, how will he ever know what happened?

Some might say that he is just a cat, he doesn't have emotions, he won't know the difference. But for those of you who have lost a pet, and had to comfort the survivor without being able to speak his or her language...I suspect you would not agree.